Proud

Here we are at the beginning of a new week, and I cannot wait for it to be over. Kass and Rachel arrive in one week, six days if you do not count today, which is practically over. I am so excited. We are going to have a mini-Letourneau Thanksgiving extravaganza, complete with Carmen, who has never actually gotten to come to our house for Thanksgiving, and Dave, a Caffey Thanksgiving veteran. This would be perfect if Kim and her family could come, they will be greatly missed! 

This last weekend we made a quick trip to the Woodlands to help Matt's grandparents. They had found mold in the master bath, and his grandmother has very compromised lungs, so this equalled an emergency. His grandmother, Dede, had been in the hospital, but she got out the evening we came, and was doing much better. I just want to say right now that I am so proud of my husband. He was so willing to go down to Houston to help, and so able to take care of the problem. I was proud of him because when his family needed help they called him, knowing that they could rely on him to take care of the situation when no one else was in the position to do so. Matt removed all the moldy cabinetry and drywall so that a crew could come in later and easily remodel the bathroom and his family could be sure the mold was gone. 

On a different note, Camille was absolutely perfect on this trip, meaning she was like she normally is at home except surrounded by family she does not know. I was pretty nervous because the last time she was around family she did not know she cried so hard and so much that we had to leave. This time she charmed their socks off.  She smiled for Dede, which was what was most important to me, and she talked and talked to her aunt Audry. I, ever unprepared, forgot the camera, which is a shame, because I really wanted pictures of Camille and Dede, but it will have to be next time. 

This week Matt is roofing a huge house for a guy from our church. He hired four people in addition to he and his partner. One of the guys has already said he is not coming back, this after the first day, the house is really tough (very steep and very big), and I guess he was not cut out for the physicality of the job. Matt has been pleased with how things are going, please pray that everyone will stay safe and that they will do a good job, quickly. I continually thank God for the inflow of jobs that Matt has gotten, he has two more lined up after this, with a possible third in the wings, which will easily carry him into the new year. I breath a sigh of relief, and look forward to next year.

Camille,

Today you turn four months old, and it is amazing how much you have changed in the last month. We have moved from smiles to laughing, and that has to be the most wonderful sound I have ever heard. Sometimes the noise that comes out of your mouth surprises you and you look at us like, "did YOU HEAR THAT?" When we get excited, you get more excited and it is a wonderful cycle. I could spend all day eating your neck rolls, just to hear you chuckle. I have tried to get the sound on camera, but as soon as the thing comes out you clam up, and take on your serious baby face, I must become more wiley for the likes of you.

You have also discovered that rolling is a form of mobility, I can leave you on a blanket on the floor and when I come back you will be several feet away from your toys in a lateral direction. I do not think you realize how you are moving, so it is not functional yet, but I think that it may become so soon. I can imagine finding you under the table in the dining room, what if we all rolled instead of walking, development is so cool. About that rolling...you get so frustrated when you find yourself on your stomach, but we are leaving you there, surrounded by your toys in hopes that you will learn to play by yourself for a bit. It is hard for me, because when you are up and happy I want to play with you all the time, but if you are going to insist on rolling all the time, I think it would make your life better if you knew how to play on your belly. You are actually starting to really go after your toys, and it is fun to watch you manipulate them so carefully with both hands.

Your hands are a totally wonder to you, you love to watch them move, in fact you can spend minutes (which in adult time is like hours) just staring at them as the flit around, which sometimes scares me because you stare at them the same way kids with autism do, and that freaks me out. However, I am just going to assume that this is a great stage of development, and that you are completely normal, or as normal as you can be given your winnings in the parent lottery.

You are talking so much now, and not just to me anymore, you love to talk to everyone that you know pretty well. Last night you even talked to your uncle Josh, which is as far outside of the parent circle as you have been willing to go thus far. You still cried when he tried to hold you, which made him nervous and he quickly handed you back to me. You continue to be very wary of strangers, you love to look at them, but you do not like it when they talk to you, or try to hold you. This is frustrating to me, because I always want them to see your beautiful smile, but for now those are just for a select few and this keeps me humble. Because of your shyness church is totally overwhelming. I cannot count the number of times people have tried to engage you and then you cried at them. You get this from me, and I am sorry, when you are 13 I hope I am as good as my mother was at forcing you to make friends. Speaking of friends, your future husband (I always thought I would be a mother who never did this!) Noah is coming for a visit in a couple of weeks, and I am so excited for you to get to see him again. He will probably be on of the only boys who will be bigger then you in middle school, and you will love him for this. Just wait, you'll see.

Right now we are settling into a work schedule, and you would have adapted to this well, had your mother not been so stubborn about trying to give you a bottle. On the flip side, had you not been sooooo stubborn about taking a bottle....okay, I give up, you win this time. Your

grandma was near revolt yesterday, and I had to throw in the towel for the sake of her sanity. So it is agreed by all parties that I will just feed you in the car in the parking lot of my work and we can all be happy. Maybe in a couple of months we can try solid foods...how does that sound, miss picky?

You have made up for the feeding difficulty by totally sleeping through the night, like 8-9 hour stretches. That is lovely beyond words. I am actually starting to enjoy waking up at the butt crack of dawn, since your 8-9 hours lands us at about 6am. I can feed you, play with you, and have you down for a nap (or pretty close) before your daddy even gets out of bed. This is a very functional schedule, lets keep it up!

Above all else, I have been amazed this month of how much I love you. I do not really consider myself a mushy-wushy person, but let me tell you, love for you just spills out of me like a fountain. I want to eat you up, just gobble you down cheek, by squishy cheek. Becoming cognoscente of that fact has made me have to beat back fear with a vengeance. Like a samurai, I fight fear of losing you, fear of what this world is becoming for you, fear of being a bad parent, fear of running out of squishy cheeks to nibble on...your mom is a samurai, isn't that cool! Happy four month birthday, Little Bit.

When I am not blogging I talk to myself...

So we survived the election, although for that whole day I felt like I was waiting to hear news about a new world disaster.  Matt voted libertarian, I chose to abstain, but feel like a dork for doing so. On Tuesday I heard several good reasons for voting each way, but in the end I just felt like the path of our country is already set, and I do not see how my one vote would change that, especially since I live in one of the reddest states in the nation. I know that people say that by not voting I have no right to complain, which I am fine with, I do not plan to complain, I plan to treat this president the same way I have treated every president before him, with objective and honest open mind. I think the most important thing a person can do for their country is to remain informed about the important issues on all fronts, concerning the nation and the world. When talking about this country Matt and my conversations have drifted to the end of times more than once, and I really do think that some of the things that are happening point to that effect. This does not really bother me, I just wish I knew more about what the Bible says is going to be in the end of times, I wish I knew what I believe. A wish I plan to rectify by some appropriately directed study. It also makes me wonder why I never heard one sermon on the end of times while growing up? Just to clarify, I do not think that Obama is the Antichrist or anything silly like that, as some Christians are fond of saying. I actually think he is going to be a good president, but I do believe in him doing things that society thinks are good, he will be moving us more towards the fulfillment of the inevitable. It makes me wonder why at this time I am so driven to bring children into the world...? Okay, enough stream of conscience, I am annoying myself. 

Things here are going pretty well. Camille has discovered that she LOVES to roll over, but hates to be on her belly, which is pretty frustrating to us all. We put her on her play mat with her toys over her and she gets so excited that she rolls over, and then gets angry when she cannot see her toys, it ends up being a vicious cycle of excitement, rolling, crying, flipping....until none of us even like the play mat anymore.  It is fun to watch her development, she is exploding in an all out uncoordinated frenzy of activity.  She still absolutely refuses to take the bottle, which gets more frustrating by the day. My mom is bringing her to me to feed her in the parking lot, which is both embarrassing and dangerous, embarrassing because I have to breastfeed my stubborn baby in the parking lot, dangerous because I am working with a ton of people with various extremely contagious, antibiotic resistant infections, which could easily pass from my clothes to her delicate immune system. I live in fear, and that is certainly not good. 

Erdman Repair and Remodel is the official title of our new family adventure. Matt has several roofs lined up for the near future, which is totally exciting! One of them is a HUGE roof, which described in Matt's words, "if it were any steeper it would be a wall." They are going to have to use ropes and stuff, so as not to fall to their death, again, fear, it is my constant companion. This roof is for a person that goes to our church, so we are branching out past family members! Please pray that word of mouth continues to get us more business. Matt is constantly thinking of new ideas, to sell "rich ladies their fat asses back to them," I laugh, but only in a serious way, because I really do believe that someday one of his good ideas will become department store soap. 

 

The joy of my world

Gate gaurding trolls...

I really wanted to be outside today....really outside, not just in my backyard where I can hear the traffic rushing frantically by. So I thought it would be a great evening to go on a picnic, we could take the dogs, get some food and go to the lake. I was really looking forward to it...I NEEDED to be outside, but I miscalculated the time, and we left too late so it was getting dark. I decided instead of going to the place I had originally intended, we would try to get into Ceder Ridge. Now, I knew that Cedar Ridge does not 'really ' allow day time use, but I figured (counted on) the fact that if you went and asked nicely and told the attendant that you were just going to eat dinner and leave, they would let you in, I mean, what is thirty minutes? So we got there, and I asked nicely, and the man at the booth turned me down flat. He told me, we could go to Temple Lake Park, they allow day usage, but we better hurry because he was sure they were about to close. If looks could have killed! I was so angry, there is that whole beautiful lake, and it is all gated off and guarded by assholes. WHY??? What would it have hurt to let us go and enjoy the lake for the evening, maybe we would have even picked up some of the ridiculous litter, actually improving the park for the other users. I could have spit, I was so mad. And sad, I was pretty sad too. I missed Tahoe today. I REALLY wanted to be outside, I wanted to be surrounded by nature, I wanted to be close to God there, I wanted to share it with my baby, I wanted to watch my dogs get excited about it, I wanted to sit with my husband in a beautiful place and remember the things we liked to do together. I cried on the way home, I could not help it, the tears just would not stop. We ate our Chick-fil-a at the table and drank good beer (thanks Matthew, the Belgian Ale was great!) and talked about doing something next weekend, with actually planning so as to not get thwarted by the absurd. Some days I ache for what I had and lost, which is ridiculous, because what I do have is so good, and so totally right, and sometimes so hard.

Tagged and other life experiences

I was ‘tagged’ by Kim to blog about five things I did not like to admit…it really got me thinking, what do I not want to admit that I would actually admit on my blog. Of course there are things that automatically popped into my head and there is no way I would actually admit those at this point, I am just not that transparent. But then there were other things that came to mind…these are those things:

1. Today during a job interview I totally forgot about my baby. I had previously said that I really wanted to work during the afternoons so that I can spend the mornings with Camille, and today I committed to working in the mornings…oops.

2. Call me sentimental, but I still love Miller Highlife.

3. I am a huge sci-fi fan…love it, a perfect Friday night would be Miller Highlife, pizza and X-files.
4. I cannot wait for my daughter to take a bottle, so I can leave her for long periods of time.

5. I do not like to pray (and I am not very good at it).

It has been a crazy week and a half. Camille has had her first round of allergies and it has been really hard on all of us. I hate watching her be miserable with a stuff, snotty nose and itchy eyes and it makes me extremely sad to know that this is just the beginning of a long, hard road of allergies in Texas. She is doing much better this week, but I still have her sleeping in her car seat at night because she gets so congested laying flat, (and I am a big scaredy-cat when it comes to thinking about her breathing at night.)
Matt is working in Houston this whole week putting a new roof on his grandparent’s house. I am extremely glad that he is able to do this for them, but I miss him like crazy, we just are not meant to be apart for long. We have decided, sort of, to pursue general contracting in this area, and I would really appreciate your prayers (see #5 above). We are both pretty nervous about starting yet another new thing, but that is the way of it, and I truly believe that something is going to work. I got a job today, which is crazy in it’s own way. I am going to be working at the nursing home where my grandmother lives. I am excited about starting back, but also quite nervous about working with so many dementia patients. It is a good opportunity to expand my skills in an area that is only going to become more relevant as more and more people are diagnosed with dementia. We will see if I like doing this, the trick is going to be trying to do functional tasks with a population that is continually declining. How can I improve the functional skills, and therefore meaning of life, of a person who cannot learn new information and is in the process of forgetting what they already know? Time will tell if there is answer to that question. I can say that God has blessed me with a career path that is HIGHLY in demand. I am totally overwhelmed by the response of the facilities in this area, I literally received calls in less the ten minutes after posting my resume online. I am humbled by the fact that they want me so badly, I hope my skills are up to their expectations. So, that is the craziness that is our life.

Uncles...

Camille got to meet her uncle Kyle last weekend when he and Jessica came to visit. We all went camping and had a good visit. Kyle was nervous around the baby, but did eventually hold her for a few minutes (until she got fussy) and we were able to get great pictures. I cannot wait for her to meet all of her aunts and uncles on Matt's side too! 

We also got to see Kim and her kiddos last week and had a good time. I was so super glad to see her, it has been way too long, but it is always nice to see old friends who are still comfortable after a long seperation. We got fun pictures of Camille and Gracie, they are about a month apart, Grace being older.