I realize that it has been over a month since I have last posted. I have several reasons (excuses) for that, but I will stick to the most relevant, and therefore interesting, of them. On March 11, two weeks after my ultrasound, my doctor informed me that part of the ultrasound made it look like I had an incompetent cervix and that my chance of preterm labor was elevated. She thought it was probably nothing to worry about, and said to come back in a month. I was stressed, of course, the thought of preterm labor was scary, but my doctor did not seem concerned and up until this point she had always been rather conservative so I figured that I would be overreacting to make a big deal of the situation. That was Tuesday, on Friday I called with a question....Matt and I had planned a trip to the bay area for one last getaway before I was unable to travel. I knew that the elevation change going from Tahoe to the Bay was also a trigger for preterm labor so I wanted to make sure that this was not contraindicated considering the developments of the ultrasound. I called the doctor totally expecting to hear the nurse call me back a state that it was fine for us to travel. The doctor called me back late Friday afternoon and stated that she had ACTUALLY looked at the ultrasound pictures (why had she not done this before??) and that by no means should I travel. In fact she said I should take it really easy and that she was going to make me an appointment to see a high-risk pregnancy specialist. I sobbed for the rest of the day...and it was Friday, so I had all weekend to think about losing my baby. I got a confirmed appointment with a specialist in Reno for the following Wednesday (over 5 days away) and was told that if I experienced anything weird to call the doctor. My doctor happen to be on call, so when my breast started leaking like crazy on Sunday I freaked out and called her. She put me on bed rest until my appointment. From Monday to Wednesday laid on the couch and alternately prayed and cried and was miserably uncomfortable. God did bless me with peace at times, and the baby took my sedentary state as a signal to really exercise her kicking abilities, which was wonderful! When we FINALLY made it to the doctor, he turned out to be the most wonderful man, and was so very comforting. He did an ultrasound of the whole baby from top to bottom, describing in detail the development, and stating over and over again that everything looked perfectly normal. He confirmed that indeed our baby is a girl or a boy without a penis (Matt emphatically picked girl). It was wonderful to see the baby again, and to hear that she was doing well, however that did not answer the question of if I was going to spontaneously go into labor. He then performed an internal ultrasound to look at my cervix and the position of the placenta and membranes. Honestly it only took a few minutes for him to determine that in his words everything looked "perfect", he even had the tech push on my abdomen to try and conjure a problem, all to no avail. He stated that all he could say was that the ultrasound tech does not do enough maternity ultrasounds to diagnosis such a problem, and that all of the stress was for nothing. I cried. I had spent the last five days feeling like my baby girl was going to fall out if I stood up, and that there was so little chance for them to save a baby at 22 weeks. I do not know if the problem was really there and God decided to heal it, which had been my prayer, or that the problem was not there, which was also my prayer. All I know is that it was awful, and then it was over, and I could breathe again.
I learned a lot through all of this. I learned that I REALLY love my baby, and that the thought of losing her was enough to drive me to madness. My mother and cousin have been telling me the whole time that today is the least I will every love this child...and I see how that is true, and it scares me. I started the path of lifetime learning that this child is God's child, and I have absolutely no control what-so-ever. NONE. How do people raise children without faith in God and prayer. I learned that I NEED to be in community of believers, because when I need to have a church to call, I had nothing. I learned that my doctor is an Egyptian (Isaiah 30) as well as the ultrasound, as well as the Internet. I learned that when I am stressed about some health issue, the best thing to do is to stay as far away from Google as possible, more information is not better. I learned that it is really hard on my husband when I cannot stop crying. I learned that laying on the couch for 48 hours gives you one heck of a backache.
Okay, so that long account is partly why I have not posted. I just did not feel like writing when I could only focus on getting through the next few minutes without losing my mind. After we got the good report I hit the ground running. We are super short staffed at my work, and I have been putting in 9+ hour days. We are moving from Tahoe to Carson City this weekend, and I have not even packed a thing. Everything has gone crazy, but in a good way now.
Kozloski update: Rachel had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they said, "holy cow, you have gained 7 pounds stop eating!!" Now remember they wanted her to take weight-gain supplement a few weeks ago. And then the said "Holy cow, your baby is waaay too small, you need an ultrasound!!" So she had an ultrasound today and they said, "Holy cow, your baby is huge, we need to move your due date up to June 8th." What do those Egyptians know anyway????
I learned a lot through all of this. I learned that I REALLY love my baby, and that the thought of losing her was enough to drive me to madness. My mother and cousin have been telling me the whole time that today is the least I will every love this child...and I see how that is true, and it scares me. I started the path of lifetime learning that this child is God's child, and I have absolutely no control what-so-ever. NONE. How do people raise children without faith in God and prayer. I learned that I NEED to be in community of believers, because when I need to have a church to call, I had nothing. I learned that my doctor is an Egyptian (Isaiah 30) as well as the ultrasound, as well as the Internet. I learned that when I am stressed about some health issue, the best thing to do is to stay as far away from Google as possible, more information is not better. I learned that it is really hard on my husband when I cannot stop crying. I learned that laying on the couch for 48 hours gives you one heck of a backache.
Okay, so that long account is partly why I have not posted. I just did not feel like writing when I could only focus on getting through the next few minutes without losing my mind. After we got the good report I hit the ground running. We are super short staffed at my work, and I have been putting in 9+ hour days. We are moving from Tahoe to Carson City this weekend, and I have not even packed a thing. Everything has gone crazy, but in a good way now.
Kozloski update: Rachel had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they said, "holy cow, you have gained 7 pounds stop eating!!" Now remember they wanted her to take weight-gain supplement a few weeks ago. And then the said "Holy cow, your baby is waaay too small, you need an ultrasound!!" So she had an ultrasound today and they said, "Holy cow, your baby is huge, we need to move your due date up to June 8th." What do those Egyptians know anyway????
