Monday, June 29, 2009


Tonight we said goodbye to Joshua, soccer extraordinaire, a wonderful uncle to Camille, my little brother. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and counting the minutes between contractions with my mom, in great expectation of Joshua's entrance into the world. Despite his constant battle between who he should be and who he wants to be he is really one of the coolest people I know. I consider it one of the great blessings of my life that I have gotten to share this little bit of time with him while we lived in Temple. He is headed of to new and great adventures. I hope college is as kind and wonderful to him as it was to me. I hope that he finds friends that become like family, that challenge him to be a better, stronger, larger person. I hope that he stays safe, and makes good decisions. I hope that his bad decisions mold him, that he finds God, and loses Him, and finds Him again. I hope that he decides that he does not have to be so cool, because he is blessed by being different, no matter how hard he tries to fight it, and that, coming from me, is a great compliment.

My grandmother has had progressive dementia for the past...ten years? Has it been ten years? She is really sick right now, we do not even know how sick, nor do we want to know. Her dementia has progressed to the point where she cannot talk, or walk, or eat, or move. I work with this all the time, so I try to think about it clinically, but I cannot. It is really hard. I have not seen her more than a handful of times since I moved back to Texas and I grieve about that often. I live in her house, and drive her car, and I cannot make myself go see her. Because why? Why go see her, and why not? My mom says this, her dementia, may be mercy, who knows? She is at peace and has been this whole time, and a woman of faith, God take her now and ease our suffering.

Some things in life are sad, and some are new beginnings, and some are mercy in disguise. It all depends on your perspective.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


As I write this I am currently enjoying the effects of a nasty stomach virus that has spent the last month making this Erdman household quite miserable. I am the last to fall, and am hoping that it clears up quickly since I am planning on boarding a plane to Tahoe in 48 hours. The virus started with Camille and quickly moved to Matt, for them it lasted weeks, but then they have very immature and compromised immune systems, respectively.
Camille is finally better, but during the time that she was sick I started giving her big people food, anything that she would eat, I would give her because she was refusing her bottle and baby food. Now that she is healthy, she has become the smallest bottomless pit known to man. This is a big change for her, since she has had a tiny appetite since birth.
Seriously, I think I could feed her every minute of her waking hours and she would gladly eat it up. The kid has some weird taste, which definitely comes from her daddy. So far she has eaten all sorts of raw veggies and fruit including green peppers, raw yellow squash (from our garden!) and cucumbers (also from our garden!), but tomatoes are her favorite. She also loves kiefer and sour crout. The only thing she will not eat is apples, give that baby fermented cabbage any day, but NOT apples. Today I weighed her and she has put on three pounds in the last two weeks.
Yesterday I realized that my baby is only a few weeks from her 1st birthday. That thought took me by total surprise, it is a huge milestone and it seems to have swept up on us in a blink of an eye. Life seems so normal with her as a part of it, but this time last year I could not even imagine what one does day in and day out with a real live baby. Matt always tried to assure me that we would just take her home and keep her alive one day at a time. For some reason those weird words were comforting at the time. Parenting turned out to be much harder, more enjoyable, and dare I say natural than I ever thought possible. Okay, enough of that until a later date, I still have six weeks to reflect on this before the big day.

Camille is not the only thing growing in our of the garden!!!
I never knew how enjoyable it could be to grow your own food. It has also made me so much more aware of how what is put in the soil is what you put in your body. Especially things like potatoes, carrots, and onions. After this garden experience I do not think I will ever buy another non-organic root vegetable. We have been picking about thirty pounds (no seriously, we planted way too much) of squash out of the garden every other day. Yesterday we sampled our first cucumber, and the vine is bursting with the little guys just waiting to be transformed into pickles. I also jumped the gun and picked one of the acorn squash, just because it was so beautiful, and I could not wait another minute to have it in my hands. Both the Caffeys and the Erdmans are going to be out of town at the same time, so I am trying to find people to pick the garden and enjoy its wealth while we are gone. I almost feel like it is a beloved pet we are leaving behind.