I really wanted to be outside today....really outside, not just in my backyard where I can hear the traffic rushing frantically by. So I thought it would be a great evening to go on a picnic, we could take the dogs, get some food and go to the lake. I was really looking forward to it...I NEEDED to be outside, but I miscalculated the time, and we left too late so it was getting dark. I decided instead of going to the place I had originally intended, we would try to get into Ceder Ridge. Now, I knew that Cedar Ridge does not 'really ' allow day time use, but I figured (counted on) the fact that if you went and asked nicely and told the attendant that you were just going to eat dinner and leave, they would let you in, I mean, what is thirty minutes? So we got there, and I asked nicely, and the man at the booth turned me down flat. He told me, we could go to Temple Lake Park, they allow day usage, but we better hurry because he was sure they were about to close. If looks could have killed! I was so angry, there is that whole beautiful lake, and it is all gated off and guarded by assholes. WHY??? What would it have hurt to let us go and enjoy the lake for the evening, maybe we would have even picked up some of the ridiculous litter, actually improving the park for the other users. I could have spit, I was so mad. And sad, I was pretty sad too. I missed Tahoe today. I REALLY wanted to be outside, I wanted to be surrounded by nature, I wanted to be close to God there, I wanted to share it with my baby, I wanted to watch my dogs get excited about it, I wanted to sit with my husband in a beautiful place and remember the things we liked to do together. I cried on the way home, I could not help it, the tears just would not stop. We ate our Chick-fil-a at the table and drank good beer (thanks Matthew, the Belgian Ale was great!) and talked about doing something next weekend, with actually planning so as to not get thwarted by the absurd. Some days I ache for what I had and lost, which is ridiculous, because what I do have is so good, and so totally right, and sometimes so hard.
I was ‘tagged’ by Kim to blog about five things I did not like to admit…it really got me thinking, what do I not want to admit that I would actually admit on my blog. Of course there are things that automatically popped into my head and there is no way I would actually admit those at this point, I am just not that transparent. But then there were other things that came to mind…these are those things:
1. Today during a job interview I totally forgot about my baby. I had previously said that I really wanted to work during the afternoons so that I can spend the mornings with Camille, and today I committed to working in the mornings…oops.
2. Call me sentimental, but I still love Miller Highlife.
3. I am a huge sci-fi fan…love it, a perfect Friday night would be Miller Highlife, pizza and X-files. 4. I cannot wait for my daughter to take a bottle, so I can leave her for long periods of time.
5. I do not like to pray (and I am not very good at it).
It has been a crazy week and a half. Camille has had her first round of allergies and it has been really hard on all of us. I hate watching her be miserable with a stuff, snotty nose and itchy eyes and it makes me extremely sad to know that this is just the beginning of a long, hard road of allergies in Texas. She is doing much better this week, but I still have her sleeping in her car seat at night because she gets so congested laying flat, (and I am a big scaredy-cat when it comes to thinking about her breathing at night.) Matt is working in Houston this whole week putting a new roof on his grandparent’s house. I am extremely glad that he is able to do this for them, but I miss him like crazy, we just are not meant to be apart for long. We have decided, sort of, to pursue general contracting in this area, and I would really appreciate your prayers (see #5 above). We are both pretty nervous about starting yet another new thing, but that is the way of it, and I truly believe that something is going to work. I got a job today, which is crazy in it’s own way. I am going to be working at the nursing home where my grandmother lives. I am excited about starting back, but also quite nervous about working with so many dementia patients. It is a good opportunity to expand my skills in an area that is only going to become more relevant as more and more people are diagnosed with dementia. We will see if I like doing this, the trick is going to be trying to do functional tasks with a population that is continually declining. How can I improve the functional skills, and therefore meaning of life, of a person who cannot learn new information and is in the process of forgetting what they already know? Time will tell if there is answer to that question. I can say that God has blessed me with a career path that is HIGHLY in demand. I am totally overwhelmed by the response of the facilities in this area, I literally received calls in less the ten minutes after posting my resume online. I am humbled by the fact that they want me so badly, I hope my skills are up to their expectations. So, that is the craziness that is our life.