Tuesday, November 11, 2008




Camille,

Today you turn four months old, and it is amazing how much you have changed in the last month. We have moved from smiles to laughing, and that has to be the most wonderful sound I have ever heard. Sometimes the noise that comes out of your mouth surprises you and you look at us like, "did YOU HEAR THAT?" When we get excited, you get more excited and it is a wonderful cycle. I could spend all day eating your neck rolls, just to hear you chuckle. I have tried to get the sound on camera, but as soon as the thing comes out you clam up, and take on your serious baby face, I must become more wiley for the likes of you.
You have also discovered that rolling is a form of mobility, I can leave you on a blanket on the floor and when I come back you will be several feet away from your toys in a lateral direction. I do not think you realize how you are moving, so it is not functional yet, but I think that it may become so soon. I can imagine finding you under the table in the dining room, what if we all rolled instead of walking, development is so cool. About that rolling...you get so frustrated when you find yourself on your stomach, but we are leaving you there, surrounded by your toys in hopes that you will learn to play by yourself for a bit. It is hard for me, because when you are up and happy I want to play with you all the time, but if you are going to insist on rolling all the time, I think it would make your life better if you knew how to play on your belly. You are actually starting to really go after your toys, and it is fun to watch you manipulate them so carefully with both hands.
Your hands are a totally wonder to you, you love to watch them move, in fact you can spend minutes (which in adult time is like hours) just staring at them as the flit around, which sometimes scares me because you stare at them the same way kids with autism do, and that freaks me out. However, I am just going to assume that this is a great stage of development, and that you are completely normal, or as normal as you can be given your winnings in the parent lottery.
You are talking so much now, and not just to me anymore, you love to talk to everyone that you know pretty well. Last night you even talked to your uncle Josh, which is as far outside of the parent circle as you have been willing to go thus far. You still cried when he tried to hold you, which made him nervous and he quickly handed you back to me. You continue to be very wary of strangers, you love to look at them, but you do not like it when they talk to you, or try to hold you. This is frustrating to me, because I always want them to see your beautiful smile, but for now those are just for a select few and this keeps me humble. Because of your shyness church is totally overwhelming. I cannot count the number of times people have tried to engage you and then you cried at them. You get this from me, and I am sorry, when you are 13 I hope I am as good as my mother was at forcing you to make friends. Speaking of friends, your future husband (I always thought I would be a mother who never did this!) Noah is coming for a visit in a couple of weeks, and I am so excited for you to get to see him again. He will probably be on of the only boys who will be bigger then you in middle school, and you will love him for this. Just wait, you'll see.
Right now we are settling into a work schedule, and you would have adapted to this well, had your mother not been so stubborn about trying to give you a bottle. On the flip side, had you not been sooooo stubborn about taking a bottle....okay, I give up, you win this time. Your
grandma was near revolt yesterday, and I had to throw in the towel for the sake of her sanity. So it is agreed by all parties that I will just feed you in the car in the parking lot of my work and we can all be happy. Maybe in a couple of months we can try solid foods...how does that sound, miss picky?
You have made up for the feeding difficulty by totally sleeping through the night, like 8-9 hour stretches. That is lovely beyond words. I am actually starting to enjoy waking up at the butt crack of dawn, since your 8-9 hours lands us at about 6am. I can feed you, play with you, and have you down for a nap (or pretty close) before your daddy even gets out of bed. This is a very functional schedule, lets keep it up!
Above all else, I have been amazed this month of how much I love you. I do not really consider myself a mushy-wushy person, but let me tell you, love for you just spills out of me like a fountain. I want to eat you up, just gobble you down cheek, by squishy cheek. Becoming cognoscente of that fact has made me have to beat back fear with a vengeance. Like a samurai, I fight fear of losing you, fear of what this world is becoming for you, fear of being a bad parent, fear of running out of squishy cheeks to nibble on...your mom is a samurai, isn't that cool! Happy four month birthday, Little Bit.

4 comments:

Kellsotr said...

I have to give total credit for this blog idea to http://www.dooce.com/
Her site is wonderful, I literally cry from laughing so hard when I read it. So, if you want to read the master, go look at her monthly newsletters to her daughter Leta. The best form of flattery is imitation.

Rachel said...

I love squishy baby cheeks too. I wonder what makes us want to munch on our babies :). Maybe its because we will do just about anything to make them smile. I don't know how they get so wrapped around our hearts but its a beautiful thing.

Kim said...

You know, I've never really understood the 'eating babies' thing...I think I'm missing that gene. However, I do love blowing raspberries on thier tummies.

Sarah Jo said...

I've read your post several times now and each time I read it, it leaves me speechless at the expression of your love and I feel that commenting on it would almost be insulting, for that love is beyond my understanding. But it reaches inside and does something to me and I'm thankful for that.

My boyfriend went to LU - his name is Matthew Eversole. He lived mainly off campus and wasn't part of the LU pop culture very much - but random people seem to know him so it's possible that you or Matt do. Matthew's are such cool people aren't they? ;-)