Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Nothing that turned into something that was really nothing all along

Today was going to be the day that I posted a new belly picture, but since my mom is coming for a visit next week, I am just going to make her wait to see the real thing. The only baby news I have since the last post is that I do not have gestational diabetes, which is good, we can all sleep at night. I am pretty excited about my mom coming for a visit, I have been surprisingly homesick for the last couple of weeks, so it is great timing. I feel torn perfectly in half between my desire to live where I am and have my kids grow up with Rachel's kids and to teach them to love the outdoors the way that Matt and I do, and to live close to family where my kids can be around grandparents and cousins and experience what it is like to grow up in the country with horses and stuff. Everything in life has goods and bads, and it seems like I am constantly trying to negotiate in my own brain which outweighs the other. In this instance I know that eventually God will show us where to go, and what to do, but I can tell you He is taking His good sweet time with the process.
And then sometimes, like now, I think there are no good or bad decisions, just different directions that you can go...opposite, but essentially equal paths. Does God have a will in these things? Or does he just think that you can pick either one as long as you are doing it all to serve Him? Everyone seems to have an opinion, but does God really care whether we live in Nevada, or Texas, or Mexico? I know He cares about us, and our walk with Him, and our influence on those in the sphere of our life, but does He care where that sphere is? And then there is Camille (Hope, thanks Stefanie), what is best for her? How do Matt and I stop making selfish decisions, when that is all we have done in the past? Is what is good for us, good for her? How do we know these things????


PhilD said...

Hummm... your list of questions reminds me a little of PARENTHOOD!!! Welcome to the club. I don't know that I have any great wisdom for you, but I have learned that if you are seeking God, He will find you. Translation... if you are seeking Him and He does care were you live I believe He will tell you in His time. If He really doesn't mind where you settle down, He may just leave that choice up to you. Kimmie may disagree, but I have seen this in our life anyway.

Otis said...

There are some decisions that really make a difference between you and God, those are up and down decisions. Then there are decisions that God is really fine with whatever, those are left and right decisions.

Most of the time we worry about the left and right ones; and the up and down ones tend to be small subtle things or really big ones we don't want to make.

I tend to think that if God isn't yelling at you then he's probably working on something in the background so just keep doing what you know to be right and when the timing is right he'll tell you what he wants and it's your job to listen and obey that.

Kim said...

No words of wisdom here. This pregnancy has reminded me how little I know and how little control I really have, even over my own body. At any rate, relax about the moving's not like you're going anywhere for the next couple of months anyway. Maybe by the time Cami is here and you can think about it again you'll have an answer.

derdsgirl said...

I'm glad I could help! Now if only I could make up a name for my monkey - LOL!

I don't have much advice on the rest of the post. I have been thinking of a lot of the same things too recently.