Thursday, September 25, 2008

Pleasure of the Process

I am soooo excited! I have been really struggling with ME, with who am I am, what defines me, what makes me a beautiful and unique snowflake....Moving from Tahoe to Texas really stripped away alot of what I used to define Me as a person. I know, or at least I feel, it sounds shallow, but I was a hiker, a backpacker, a friend, a therapist, a native. I lived to be outside surrounded by Sugar Pines, smelling the warm dirt as my hiking boots moved along the trail towards a mountain lake, feeling the air, seeing the beauty. It was all right outside my back door and now I feel physical aching for that place. It was more than just an activity, it cleared my soul, it was my best communion with God, it was Me, and now it is a tormenting image in my minds eye.  So, to say I have been struggling is a understatement, but today, I made a move to fill that hole with my first love. I am going to start taking horseback riding lessons here:, I feel giddy like a little girl. I cannot wait to get out there and smell the leather and the dirt and the horse. I am smiling now as I as write this. It is important for me to have passion all my own, something  I do because I love it, not because it is good for the family, or my health, or because I have to, but for the simple pleasure of the process. I am so excited! 


shawkins said...

I think that is wonderful! I am so proud of you for recognizing that you have to take of and nurture YOU as well as Camille and Matt. I have a hard time with that and tend to get lost in my roll as Mom and Wife. Maddie and I will have to come watch a lesson!

Williams Family said...

Oh I am so jealous!!! You are smart to take care of you. Your mom and I have had conversations about not know who we are or what we like anymore. I have thought about taking lessons out there but with two children already involved in stuff it makes it hard. I should go out there and take myself two lessons a month. That would be so cool. McKayla would love to do it as well. let me know when your first lesson is I want to come watch.